anneoftheisland | [ for logan, dated to July 27 ]

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logan

[ for logan, dated to July 27 ]

There were moments when Anne's sobs were even louder and more desperate than Matthew's, though Anne certainly had more ways she could have been expressing herself and Matthew had only his cries. Joe could do - and was doing - so much for her, but he could not take this burden from her heart. He could not make Matthew forget that he had gone to sleep next to two mothers and woken up next to one.

Anne was used to sharing the burdens and joys of parenthood, but now in a time when she most needed a few moments to lose herself she had no one turn to, a conundrum of the most devastating sort.

That wasn't true, though. Anne still had people to turn to. And Joe wasn't the only person she considered family on the island.

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It was a small island, tight knit at it's core, and it didn't take very long for word to get back to Logan of Ariel's disappearance.

Logan had always considered himself the last person anyone would want around during a personal crises... But Anne was family, and even though he doubted he'd know what to say or how to help, he found himself lingering outside Anne's hut.

The sound of her sobs mixed with Matthew's cries was enough to make his chest ache and his gut twist. It was a heavy was of emotion, and it took him a moment to bring himself to knock.

"Anne?" he said, raising his voice just loud enough to be heard.

Anne was quick to try to get herself under control again, for it wouldn't do to answer the door in such a state as she was in, but when she saw that it was Logan she lost all her resolve, letting the tears flow freely down her cheeks again.

Of course he knew, he would have been the first person Joe told after his own partner, so she didn't have to say the words, just close her eyes and press her forehead to his shoulder.

Logan wasn't one to get emotional if he could help it, but when Anne leaned against him he felt something inside him shatter. His arms wrapped around her instantly as he held her, hushing her softly and rubbing her back.

He wanted to say it would all be okay, but the words caught in his throat. It wouldn't be okay, not anytime soon, and pretending it would be would solve nothing.

"I'm sorry," he said finally, meaning it. "God, Anne, I'm so sorry."

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, wild red hair in his face as he closed his eyes and held her just a bit tighter.

Anne let herself be held for a few moments, let herself remember that there were others who cared for her, but inside she still ached too much for what she'd lost.

"Please take him," said Anne, her voice cracking as she pushed Matthew towards him. "Please, just for a few moments. Please, Logan. He hasn't stopped crying and I just need to... please, only for a few moments. I just need a few moments."

Logan nodded, letting her go and heading over to Matthew. The baby was clearly unhappy, his little face red and blotchy from all the crying. Logan wondered if he somehow knew what had happened, or if he was simply crying because Anne was crying.

He hushed him softly, bouncing him on his hip and then rocking him a little when that didn't seem to help. When the wailing finally stopped, Logan sat with him in the corner, speaking softly. He wasn't even sure what he was saying, just words strung together, promises of how alright things would be.

He watched Anne from across the room, silently wishing he could just... fix this. Make it right again.

With Matthew in safe hands, and no longer relying on her for comfort or strength, Anne finally truly gave in to the heart-wrenching sorrow that had been pulling at her since she woke. Ariel was gone, and there wasn't anything Anne could do to bring her back.

She did not let it take her for long, though, just allowed herself those desperately needed moments of despair before wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her blouse and facing Logan again.

"I don't know what to do without her," she confessed softly.

"You'll manage, Anne," Logan said, keeping his own voice low as he watched her. "Anne, you're... You're amazing, you know? And I can't even begin to imagine how you feel right now, but I know you'll be okay. I know you'll be okay, 'cause I've seen how tough you are. It'll hurt for a long time, but... You'll keep going, and you'll be alright."

"I shall," said Anne softly, for she knew that she would. She knew that people dealt with loss constantly in their lives, and that eventually the hurt became less, eventually they did always move on, but that was something that took more than a day. "He's quiet now. You're good with him."

Logan looked down at Matthew again, tiny fingers reaching out to play with the beads that still hung around his neck. The necklace Neil had made was something he'd never been able to take off, even now so long after the split.

He wondered for a moment how he would feel if the other boy was to vanish, quickly pushing the thought away when he felt a small stab of panic.

Matthew made a gurgling noise, little fists flailing in the air, and Logan laughed softly before looking back up at Anne and shrugging. "I guess," he replied.

"Anne... Why don't you come sit down, huh?" he suggested, nodding for her to come join him.

"I'm not sure I..." she began, moving restlessly from one side of the house to the other, but then she did go to him and sit, clutching her knees a little desperately. It was all she could do. "He's going to need to eat soon. I shan't forget that he needs to eat."

"You won't forget," Logan said softly, hushing Matthew when he started to fuss a little.

"Anne, why don't you and Matthew come stay with me a few days?" he offered quietly. "Just until you feel a bit more like yourself, you know? I mean, there's plenty of space... Maybe it would be easier if you had someone around to help you look after him for a bit?"

Someone who could take care of him while she took the time to mourn what she'd lost.

"I couldn't possibly impose," she said, though when she look around her home it didn't seem nearly so bright and welcoming as it had always been. Everywhere she looked, she could still see Ariel's presence. "And I can't imagine you would want to be woken by a small child at all hours."

"You wouldn't be," Logan assured her. "Anne, you're, like, family, and trust me, I don't sleep all that much most nights anyway."

He bounced Matthew lightly, not pushing Anne to make her mind up yet, but wanting her to know she was welcome. "I just want you to know you don't have to be alone."

"I can't imagine being alone tonight," she admitted, looking at her bed and her home and feeling unbearably saddened by the prospect. "I don't think I could bear it, Logan. I wouldn't sleep for even a moment."

"Then don't be alone," Logan said seriously. "You don't have to be. You tell me that all the time, and it's the truth. You don't have to be alone, Anne, you don't have to do any of this alone. I know I'm not great company... but I want to help, and I don't want to see you try and do this alone."

Anne knew that this was her home, and would always be her home so long as she still lived on the island, but just for a few days the idea of being someplace that didn't make her want to weep wherever she looked felt like the right choice. Slowly but surely she nodded her head, then looked out the window towards her garden again.

"You can stay as long as you want," Logan assured her. I'll even help you take over what you'll need."

He was quiet for a while after that, simply rocking the baby in his arms and silently wishing there was more he could do or say to help. There was nothing though, he knew it. No amount of reassurance would make Anne feel any better, and no amount of hoping would bring Ariel back.

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[ for logan, dated to July 27 ]

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